A Negotiation With My Teen Daughter

It's difficult to plan for a family holiday when children get older. Gina and Sylvia don't go away with us anymore, the last time all of us went together for a holiday was 10 years a go when I was carrying Saskia in my stomach. They both are already grow-ups, working, not included in our holiday plan anymore. Nowadays when we say a family holiday, it would be just I, Mark, Maria and Saskia.

Mark has booked a week off work starting from this Friday till the last day of the school holiday and planning to take us away for a week. "I don't want to go away for a week. I've got my own plan with my mates", said Maria when we told her our holiday plan. Mark has been browsing on the net and found nice cottages in Peak District.

Last night I asked him, "Have you book the holiday yet". "No, I've been thinking about Maria", he said. He wants to have a break and a bounding time with the family. But we don't want to drag Maria coming with us and she'll be miserable for a week ruining our holiday.

He must have been thinking it all night. This morning before he left to work he said. "What we gonna do with the holiday?". Then when he just arrived at work, he phoned me. "What are we gonna do with Maria? Maybe we just leave her at home", he said like giving up. "Let me talk to her again and see if we can find a bridge", I said. She might think that she is a grown-up, but she is only 15 years old. I don't want to leave her at home even Gina - after work - will be home.

Maria is sitting on the computer typing while listening to the music.

"I feel sorry for your dad. He just arrived at work already phoned me to talk about holiday again. I think he deserved to have a break, don't you? And he wants to be with the family", I said.

"Yeah, but I don't want to spend a whole week away. And what we gonna do there?. I've already planned to see my mates"

"But you see your friends every day during school days"

"No, all my mates live in Rayleigh. We planned go to Southend, to the seaside and Peterpan trying the new ride"

"How about if you go out with your friends in the week end?, and I'll try to speak with your dad see if he can find a short break"

" Why don't we just go for 3 days?. I don't want to spend a week in a cottage doing nothing"

"It won't be doing nothing. There will be some activities and we can go to Alton Tower. Your dad said it's not far to Alton Tower"

"But Saskia said it's a countryside and we will just go to a farm playing with chicken. I want to explore. But I don't want to go for a week"

"Yes of course we'll explore the place, see sightseeing and take a walk in the woods, won't spend every day just sitting in the cottage. And you can take your guitar and books for something to do in the evening. So, you agree to come with us for a few days then?"

"Yeah if only till Wednesday"

"How about until Thursday?, you'll still have a few days left to see your friends"

"Alright then"

"You're sure, yeah? Will be happy with it? cos we don't want to waste the money for going away but you don't enjoy it"

"Yeah"

"Right then, I'll call your dad now cos he has too book it soon"

I spoke briefly to Mark telling Maria agree to come with us for as long as we come home by Thursday.

"But most of holidays is for a week", he said.

"Just find somewhere that can be for a few days. You should have sit with Maria when browsing on the computer and discuss it with her". I said. Maria is the most difficult one now. As for me, I don't really care where we are going or how long for, as long as the family together and happy. I'm sure Mark can find a place that suitable for everyone, has some activities for children.

"I'll talk to her later at 12", he said. Everyday, Mark always phones home at 12am just to say hello and see if I'm alright.

I'm pleased with my self this morning for being able to build a bridge between father and a teen daughter about the family holiday. I thought Maria is closer to Mark, they share their passion in the music, they talk about it. But why when come to planning a holiday it seems hard for him to get Maria on his side. It's all just about communication. Mark hasn't really discuss it with Maria. He should have explained to her what he wants for the family and heard what she says until comes to an agreement that will make everyone happy. He should have showed the place that interesting him to Maria instead of Saskia. "Look Sas, this is the cottage we gonna stay, nice isn't it?, and there is a farm so you can play with chicken", He told Saskia the other night when he was sitting on the computer. Saskia isn't a problem yet, she will follow our bottoms wherever we go.